10 years of relationships #realtalk

I have had several relationships before. Good ones and bad ones. The thing about relationships is that they all end. Either by choice (breakups, divorce) or by force (death). All my past relationships ended by choice and it got me thinking about what have I learned along the way from my first relationship at the tender age of 16 until today at my glory age of 26. So here is a decade of relationship lessons that I have learned.

1. Talk talk TALK. Now this may seem basic but I cannot stress enough the importance of talking and opening up to your partner. We are not mind readers, no matter how good you think you know each other. Talk when something is bothering you, no matter how difficult it may be because a clear understanding between two parties can only be achieved when there is unhindered communication and with clear understanding THEN can only be a discussion of options and decision making.

2. Meet me halfway. Sometimes there is no way that we can agree 100% with our counterpart. There will be instances that one just cannot say yes to the other's say, we are all different people after all. This is where you compromise. When there is a disagreement of two totally different opinions, work around the available options and find a happy middle that both can get what you want without hurting the other. Compromising is tricky. There will be sacrifices of blood and tears, not really, not blood but probably tears. Again, the key is to communicate and find alternatives to cater to both parties' needs and preferences.

3. I got you. One of the biggest perk of being in a relationship is that, you can count on someone to always be on your team. Be his support system, his confidante, his number one fan and him, yours. Research has shown that one of the main reasons people look for relationship is to have someone to share support and care with. With that said, it does not mean that you must support and encourage everything blindly. Support comes in many different forms, from constructive criticism to taking part in what your partner does. Showing interest in what your partner do shows that you care and active participation (read his blogs, compliments/criticize his songs) lets your partner know that he has your support, plus its a confidence boost.

4. I hear you. Listening, the very opposite of talking. When you have a partner, you have someone to always be there for your joys and woes. A critical part of being there for someone is to actually just listen. You do not need to understand or agree to what your partner has to say but there will be a time when you do not really want someone to agree or disagree with you, you just want them to simply listen. So at time like this, shut your mouth, refrain from making comments or suggestions, and just listen.

5. Little things. If relationship is a game, then this is the cheat code. Do the little things. A note on the bedside table, flowers on her front door, buy him stationeries, socks of his favourite cartoon character, basically any little things that reminds you of your partner, do it.

6. Family affairs. Never talk about your problems with your partner to your family members, ESPECIALLY when he/she is not a part of the family (not married) yet. I am not married so I cannot really say how bad it will be, but I know family is a big part of marriage. When you are marrying someone, you are marrying his/her entire family. So before tying the knot, sealing the deal, whatever you may want to call it, do not talk bad about your partner to your family members (unless its a terrible concern that might result to ending the relationship then by all means). 

7. Take one for the team. When it calls for a sacrifice to be made, do it if it is the best for the both of you. Take the blame, miss that one game to go to her office dinner, let her get her pick for the bedroom wall colour. Sometimes, these little sacrifices will just save all that energy that you both could spend fighting but just make sure that it is for a rational and valid cause.

8. Big spender. This is a common thing that everyone does in relationships, spoiling your partner. Yes it is extremely tempting to shower your partner with gifts but remember, each spending is an investment. In relationships you invest your love in someone, and to show your investment, you spend time and money on them. It is fine and I highly recommend for a happy relationship (winks), but be wary, especially when you are just starting. Like investments, relationships can fail as well. 

Those are some of the lessons I learned on the 10-year journey of being in different relationships. There are definitely more on the list but for now, but these 8 are the ones that I would like to share (the ones that i could think of actually). I am writing these lessons as a tribute to my 10th year in relationships and I hope that you enjoy this piece and find it somewhat helpful. Thanks for reading.